LETTING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS GO

Hello, and welcome to La Vita Vivi! (Warning-long post!)

How many times are you incredibly hard on yourself? Are you used to overthinking every little move to see where you went wrong? Do you beat yourself up over not making the “right” decision at the “right” time? And after all that do you get upset that you’re fixating on the problem in the first place?

You might have thought this post would be about how to let go of others who are toxic to you. I actually want to talk about one particular person who is more often the most toxic being in your life.

It’s you.

It’s me.

It’s all of us, to ourselves.

I believe a huge part of wellness includes our mental health. Mental health has been a priority for me since my sophomore year in college, when I started to seek therapy for anxiety and depression. It’s one of the best (if not the best) decisions I ever made in my life. I learned different coping mechanisms to get me through negative thinking, and also how to love and forgive myself for long-term healing.

The latter half of that sentence-how to love and forgive myself-was and still is the hardest to execute because I was so used to being, well…super mean if I’m being honest. I was searching for answers everywhere else in my life, until I realized the negativity was rooted in my relationship with myself. I’ve become so used to the way that I talked to myself that I didn’t even know I was part of the problem. I realized that what comes naturally to me (in other words, being negative) wasn’t enough and could never be enough to make me truly happy. There are certainly times when my analytical and detail-oriented traits can come in handy, but I had to realize it was the wrong remedy to a bigger problem.

We all have our own reasons, childhood upbringings and scars that contribute to who we are today. Notice how I didn’t say they define us. What defines us more than the painful experiences life throws at us is how we move forward. And who more important should we practice love, compassion and empathy with than ourselves?

My challenge to you today is to DO one kind thing and to SAY one kind thing about yourself before you get up from reading this post. You can pour yourself a glass of water because you didn’t hydrate today, or you can hit up the gym after work because you’ve been meaning to for months anyway. You can pat yourself on the back for actually studying for that quiz this week, or dive deep and write down a personal quality you appreciate. Talk to yourself the way you talk to your best friend when she’s in need of some TLC, and you will do wonders for your mental health and happiness.

Remember, it’s okay to let people go for the sake of your own happiness. Even if that person is you, don’t feel guilty for letting a part of you go. Guilt, shame and regret only waste time. It won’t be easy; if anything this is incredibly difficult (At least, for me it is.) and might be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. But, I will say that despite the pain that comes with learning to love and forgive yourself, the world will be a better place with one more happy and healthy person in it.

Thank you so much for reading and sticking with me this far. This is one of the most personal posts I’ve ever written, and I truly meant every single word. Let me know in the comments if you like posts like these, and what kind thing you’re going to do (Or already did, yay!) and kind thing you’re going to say about yourself. I can’t wait to hear from you!

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 Photography: Curtis Kuo Photography